Homage for the Suffering
by Supernaturalloverja
Summary: "Oh soon the sun will come with healing in its wings to wash away your tears and make you move, Here's to you"


**_Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or these lyrics..._**

**_Please Review and check out my other stories. ~Supernaturalloverja_**

_Homage for the suffering_

He could see around the doorframe. He saw fire and smoke. He saw the end of everything he knew as it burned up in his little brother's nursery. He saw evil for the first time. He could hear the screams; the heart wrenching cry of a husband as he became a widower. The pain filled gasp of the golden haired woman who sang him to sleep. The wail of a six month old baby who never even realized what he was going to miss out on. He could feel the heat; the heat of the fire that burst forth from his mother and ate her up from the inside out. The heat of a baby shoved in his arms, and the glow of protection that swelled forth from him in response, the heat of his father's meaty hand as he shoved him away from it all. Away from the sight, away from the screams, away from the heat, away from the life he knew. With his young four year old eyes he saw around the doorframe, he was never young again.

_Here's to you when the rain hits too hard_

_When the battles that you fight just leave you scarred_

_When you're tired to the bone_

_And you've got no strength to move on_

He watched his father die for him. It was his fault that his father, his hero, was in the fiery pit .With his last words still ringing in his ears Dean watched as his father was sent to Hell so he could stay on Earth. In what seemed like a cruel joke his father had sprung on him the fact that he might have to kill his brother and then he left. He left for the last time. He left Dean with a layer of blood on his hands and mistrust in himself. He left him with his father's corpse and the promise of his brother's corpse. He watched as his father died, and felt utterly alone.

_Here's to you when the light has grown too dim_

_And your faith is just hanging on a limb_

_Your heart begins to doubt if you'll ever make it through_

He saw the explosion. He watched as the convenience store became a ball of fire, as it shattered its glass and melted down its metal. As it chewed up everything inside and spit it out as ash. As it chewed up and spit out Jo and Ellen Harvelle. And the entire time he watched he knew it was his fault. That they were dead because he was alive. That he was the one who was meant to have his guts on the outside, and that he was the one that should have held that red button in his hands that decided his fate. With his old eyes, he watched the explosion. His hands were never blood free again

_Oh_

_Here's to you_

_Here's to you_

_When anger burns like fire beneath your skin_

_And you long for love, you won't let love in_

_Your arms are folded tight across your chest_

_And you won't let go_

He watched as his brother died. He felt Sam's blood on his hands, was so close he saw the whites of Sam's eyes as they rolled in their sockets, and still there was nothing he could do. He pumped his legs as fast as they would go, screamed with all the power of his lungs but it was not enough. He didn't save him. He didn't save the one person he swore to always protect. He didn't save his little brother. Out of everyone he had saved, out of all the times he had destroyed evil, this was the one time when he was too late. This one time when the innocent wasn't saved, it had be Sam, and Dean couldn't forgive himself for that. He couldn't forgive the world for that. Dean watched his brother die, and with him died Dean's belief in humanity.

_Oh and fear rolls like thunder in your soul_

_And all the lies have got you under their control_

_and your mind is just too confused to see_

_What is true_

He saw Hell. He watched as people were stripped of flesh and dismembered. He looked on as knives opened up skin and blood ran in rivulets down to the flames licking at tender feet. He was tortured himself. He felt the flesh strip away from his muscles, he felt as his bones snapped and splintered inside his beaten corpse. He felt the knives that cut deeper and deeper, and the words that dug in with them until he said yes. Until he stepped away from his torture rack and grabbed hold of a blood soaked dagger. Until he sliced into another soul and was almost happy, happy to have his flesh stay on his muscles. Dean saw Hell, and he will never believe in himself again.

_Oh _

_Here's to you_

_Here's to you_

He saw heaven. He saw the woman with golden hair who sang him to sleep. He saw his father with his arm wrapped around her petite waist and a broad grin on his face that he thought was lost forever. He saw Jo and Ellen standing before him with heads thrown back in laughter at their own chiding at his expense. And best of all he didn't see Sam. He felt his shoulders un tense, and he face slacken and for the first time since was four years old he felt young. He felt the blood coating his hands become rinsed away in the bright light, and felt a restoration in humanity because all was set right. He felt as he began to trust himself again because he was here and he must have done something right. Dean felt surrounded, surrounded by love and family. Dean saw heaven, and never hurt again.

_Oh soon the sun will come with healing in its wings_

_To wash away your tears and make you move_

_Here's to you_

_Here's to you_

_Here's to you_

_Here's to you_


End file.
